In my lifetime I've done the following:
- Low Fat, Low Calorie
- Whole 30
- Food Intolerance Restriction
- Ketogenic Diet
...and I'm tired. I'm tired of looking at each of these as a solution.
In my personal life I use logic, observation, analytic reasoning, and plain common sense to define the world around me and yet, for the past 5 years, I've looked at nutrition plans as a magical solution to my weight loss.
had have an unhealthy relationship with food.
weeks months of thinking about it (and over 2 years of a weight plateau)... it's come to my attention that I've been restrictive eating for 5 years. 5. long. years.
I'm a firm believer that people do change, and we go through cycles of being happy, sad, outgoing, introverted, adventurous, boring, etc. etc. The same is true with our health journeys. Each one is different. Each one is unique. And each one is right.
At this point in my life, I've come the realization that having the weight loss goal and focusing on "reaching the target" was unhealthy. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally.
A friend challenged my goal weight number and asked me the following:
"What will you do when you hit your goal?... How will you live then? .... What will life look like?"After thinking about it... "I wouldn't be doing anything any differently. I'd eat healthy cause it makes me feel good. I'd run in races, cause I love running (it makes me feel like an athlete). And I'd wear cute outfits, clothes, etc."Her response was "Then why don't you just do that."
And so I had an epiphany... a break through.
I'm tired of pining for the number. of wishing, hoping, climbing on that scale each day and praying to the "weight gods" that something miraculous has happened.
I'm too strong for that. I'm too smart for that. I love the woman I've become over these past 5 years. I'll repeat that.
I love who I am now. I love who I've become.
Fuck the number. It doesn't mean shit.
I am a healthy person and I eat fast food occasionally.
I am a runner and sleep in some mornings.
I am a contradiction every freaking day and that's what makes life so friggin beautiful.
I've been strong enough these past 5 years to hang on and try to will myself into weight loss... and I hope I'm strong enough to know when to allow myself to gracefully let it go.
Life's too short to count calories everyday.
Life's too short for the guilt, the shame, and the regret.
I may not ever be "skinny" but I'll be damned if I'm not happy.
So from now on I'm living like I'm already at that number. I'm living my goal.