Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and Beyonce' have got to back me up here. Being a Pear-Shape can be a real pain in the ass.
While a nice round booty is something men and women can admire it can get annoying in certain circumstances. However, many bean pole women or apple shaped women admire the "pear's" lovely slim top and rotund bottom. So here are some pros and cons about my pear shape and why I'd like to leave booty-ville.
Rumpshaking on the dance floor. I can get down with the best of them at a club or wedding reception. And when the song says to "stick that booty out" Oh its OUT! A robust rear really makes for a roar of laughter when it's out there a shaking and jiggling around. It's fun to have for the Sir-Mix-A-Lot remixes.
I have some cushion when I fall on my ass. I sit behind a desk all day and I thank my butt for the cushion it provides. Sore ass is never a problem for me at long meetings, nor do I need to worry when I'm clumsy and have a great fall. The derriere is there to protect the goods. I'd kiss it for the help it provides, but it's all the way down there.
Heart-healthy and baby-friendly. In all seriousness, studies have shown that women who are pear-shaped are more heart healthy condition than the apple-shaped counter parts. Mainly because of the less amount of fat around the mid-section and heart. Women are naturally supposed to get "hippy" during and after pregnancy. So I got some sweet-ass birthing hips capable of popping out those babies in less than 5 seconds flat.
Two words: skinny jeans. I can't wear them. I can't try them on. I can't even look at them or my ass grows twice its size. You know what I end up looking like in skinny jeans? An Ice cream cone. I shit you not. Whoever invented these made them for women who have no hips cause this way it looks like they do. I admit I'm jealous cause I'd love to be able to wear them, but alas for dat ass. Oh, btw, men should not wear skinny jeans. ever. for serious.
Bathing suits and dresses. Ok really? Is every clothing maker using an hourglass model? Cause that's not the way most women are built. By my measurements I'm a size 14/16 on bottom in a dress and a size 10/12 on top. So either I'm wearing a dress that's loose on top or way too tight on the bottom. And for bathing suits, forget one pieces anymore. It's two pieces or nothing. Which sucks if your a cross-training swimmer like I am. I don't want to flash my boobs while lap swimming, please. kthxbai.
Bumping into things. I don't have rear view mirror on the damn thing. Some days it's humongous and others its tame. It bumps into things, that's just what it does. It has a mind of its own, just don't tease it. I bump, crash, side push so many things on a daily basis I should have a medal. The diameters of my butt morph making it physically impossible for me to ever know where it really is at all times. For all I know it could be out harassing the dog right now. We're not sure.
Regardless of the pros and cons it is my butt and I only get one of it. We've had our quarrels and our moments of glory... but in reality there's only one person on this earth who loves my butt more than anyone else.
And that makes it alright with me.