Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Countdown

It's less than 20 days until my first half-marathon...

13.1 miles. 

At this point (as many runners) I'm faced with an odd conglomeration of fear, resolve, doubt, courage, and calmness that all seem to wax and wane.  I feel one more than the other at any given moment. 

Sometimes I doubt. 
Sometimes I don't. 

What feeds into my doubt is that honestly I haven't been running as much as I was in the beginning of my training.  I feel like the past few weeks I haven't "stuck to" my training.  Of course I've tried

It scares me. A DNS (did not start) isn't an option for me and a DNF (did not finish) is something I won't allow.  So I'm faced with the next 3 weeks to continue to train regardless of past inactivity (or lessened inactivity).

At this point, my longest run is 8 miles... This weekend is 10 miles, which will be the longest I'll go before tapering (lowering my mileage) and then the big day

I fear injury. 
I fear pain that I can't push past. 
I fear failing. 

And yet, there's an odd sense of accomplishment of having gotten this far.  Of knowing there's no turning back.  That my resolve is so strong that I won't just give up.  

I'm going to do this.  

Christmas is over and a new year springs forth... reminding us of our past... urging us to look towards the future.  I'm going to start my new year off with an incredible physical, emotional, and mental journey.  One that will test my wits, my tenacity, and my strength.  

Can I do it?  
Will I make it?

I don't know yet. 

But the questions bring a smile to my face... 
...a weird sense of satisfaction in the unknown... eerie smile that seems to say...

"But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."
(Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening - Robert Frost)

Thanks, Dubya for the reminder and motivation. I'll wear every day til race day. shmily. 

Get Mean. Twisted Evil Make a Decision. Exclamation Choose Health! Cool

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