Friday, February 3, 2012


I wasn't sure what to type this post because so much has happened in a week's time that it's tough to name it ONE thing.  And as busy times go it's easy for my brain to be in many places at once (I'm sure you can relate), so I'm going to break everything down...

Super Secret Meal Plan Recap:
I gave up around Thursday night.  I got home after having been on an interview for another job (more to come about that) and was tired, hungry, and stressed.  After having very limited carbs for 4 and a half days I needed energy.  So we went to our burrito place and I ate.  Not poorly mind you, but just back to my regular routine.  Once I added carbs right back into my diet, you guessed it, the scale went right back up to where I was. While I was hoping for some metabolism change, I came to realize that this serious deprivation was not something that I enjoyed.  When I went right back to my low calorie, nutritional, higher protein eating, I felt better.  And feeling better is much more important than weight loss, imo. Life's too short to starve and feel weak. Lesson learned.

Exercise Recap:  
Of course while I was on the SSMP I decided to go hardcore and go to 4 weight class days (in a row) as well as some cardio and 4 mile run on Saturday. This took it's toll this week.  By Sunday I was so tired, and mentally exhausted from being hardcore that I just wanted to rest.  So what have I done this week?  nada.  zilch.  goose eggs.  Same goes with my eating this week.  I've been lax.  There's a balance to healthy living and last week I went over it... this week I went under.

Life Recap:
To add to the "change" pile here, DubyaKid got accepted into a "gifted" school and we're all excited that she can start mid-year.  She's a brilliant girl and is eager to be challenged.  This means different pick up and drop off routes.  Earlier mornings and new routines.  And although it seems silly, weird, or maybe having my priorities out of whack, the first thought that comes to mind is: When am I gonna work out? While I'm happy for DubyaKid and definitely will do anything to make this work.  It's hard to plan workouts, gym visits, etc. when I don't know what my schedule will look like. In addition (I know right) I will be starting a new job in about two weeks.  It was unexpected but a great move for me professionally.  I'm excited and anxious.  Of course the same question as above arises:  What's the plan?  When will I work out? How will I fit in time for this?

Where I'm at?
Mentally I know this is a challenge. Stress brings on my old tendencies of wanting comfort.  In the past that meant comfort was unhealthy foods and sitting around watching TV at nights.  (As I've done this past week).  That's not DubyaWife anymore.  I'm smarter than that.  Stronger.  Wiser.  Right now I feel lethargic, sleepy, and ... I'll say it: fat. I don't like it.  It's not me.  It bugs me, it eats away at me and can't continue.  I recognize that when I eat healthier and exercise at least once a day, I feel better. 

My urge is to start making to-do lists, make plans of what I'm going to do, and really force myself to be more organized.  But I fear, in doing so, I'll drive myself to more stress for not meeting the expectations.  Especially during this brief time of craziness.  And then again, a little bit of order seems like it may relieve me.  You see the schizophrenia that is occurring in my brain, right?

I forget the kind of woman I am.  When I have those moments of weakness or laziness I see that 255lbs girl and I get nauseated to think I'll be back there.  I've lost 70lbs.  No small feat. Why do I constantly forget that?

So here's what I'm going to do...  the best I can.

These next few weeks will be topsy turvy I know.  Schedules will be crazy and I'll feel pangs of guilt no matter what (guilt if I have to give up a gym visit to handle personal life & guilt if I inconvenience personal life for my own needs).  A healthy lifestyle doesn't mean I'm losing weight everyday.  Let me repeat that:  A healthy lifestyle doesn't mean I'm losing weight everyday. A healthy lifestyle doesn't mean I'm exercising everyday either.  So all I can do during these moments is to make sure that I'm doing the best I can and that I'm happy.  Mental and emotional health is just as important as the physical.

Once the dust settles from this mild dust devil of life, I'll regroup and attack with a fury.  :-) Until then, keeping things in perspective.

Get Mean. Twisted Evil Make a Decision. Exclamation Choose Health! Cool

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