Monday, October 1, 2012

Jack Sh*t’s Weight Loss Songs for the Wee Little Children


At his business, Big Jack’s Daycare and Discount Dry Cleaners, the “teachers” spend much of the day instructing the wee little children in many life skills, including how to fold clothes, how to iron clothes, how to sew buttons on clothes and, most importantly, about the benefits of healthy living by singing fun “healthy living” songs as they go about their “activities”…

Flop! Goes the Weigh-In
All around the lunch buffet,
The buffoon kept on eatin’.
The buffoon thought ‘twas all in fun.
Flop! Goes the weigh-in.
 
When I Was At My Workout Spot
When I was at my workout spot,
I saw a man do seven squats.
After every squat was seven curls.
After every curl was seven lats.
After every lat was seven lifts.
Lifts, lats, curls, squats
I shoulda done some of that, I thought.

Lady Belunge-a
Lady Belunge-a in the back of the gym,
Lunge so strong as you lunge each limb.
Watching yourself on the mirror on the wall,
You’re such an inspiration to us all. 

Laaaaaaaaaady Belunge-a
Laaaaaaaaaady Belunge-a,
With your perfect form,
I’m so in awe
Of you, so lunge-y.

Way over yonder where the big weights sit,
Where you lift and curse and spit,
The weights go up and the weights go down,
See the muscles squirting out of your gown.

Laaaaaaaaaady Belunge-a
Oh, Laaaaaaaaaady Belunge-a,
Keep on doing great,
Keep on going strong, we like to watch you.

When it’s dark, I’m home and fed. 
I think I coulda done like you instead.
Tomorrow’s coming, my gym bag’s packed. 
I might. Who knows? I might. 

Laaaaaaaaaaby Belunge-a
Oh, Laaaaaaaaaady Belunge-a,
With tomorrow’s dawn,
I’ll get my workout on. 
I’ll soon be lunging. 

Lady Belunge-a in the back of the gym, 
Lunge with vigor and lunge with vim.
I’m doing a workout that’s long overdue.
And I’m working up a big sweat, too.
I’m just working up a sweat like you!

I’ve Got the Mojo, Mojo, Mojo, Mojo
I’ve got the mojo, mojo, mojo, mojo
Down in my gut (Where?)
Down in my gut! (Where?)
Down in my gut!
I’ve got the mojo, mojo, mojo, mojo 
Down in my gut.
Down in my gut to stay.

Do Your Chins Hang Low?

Do your chins hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Do you have a turkey neck?
Can you knead ‘em like bread dough?
Do they make you say “Oh dear-a!”
When you look into a mirror?
Do your chins hang low?

Do your sides hang wide?
Do they flap from side to side?
Does your belly kinda flop?
Do you have a muffin top?
One of the low-waisted types?
Do you look real bad in stripes?
Do your sides hang wide?

Is the weight coming down?
Have you quit messing around?
Are you starting to eat less?
Are you making good progress?
Are you starting to believe it,
That you really can achieve it?
Is the weight coming down?


Jack Sh*t chronicles his weight loss and healthy living adventures in his critically-unacclaimed blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit. He also tweets tweets on his tweeting account at @JackSht. He would also like you to know that you can tear out this post and present it at Big Jack’s Daycare and Discount Dry Cleaners for $10 off any dry cleaning order over $50. 

DubyaWife's Take: Jack Sh*t is one of my favorite "snarkers" of the FitBloggin community.  His blog cracks me up and his twitter presence is equally hilarious.  And it makes sense, because weight loss while taken seriously, should be fun.  And we should make for of it from time to time. While almost 95% of his blog is witty, funny, and yet related to weight loss.  Every once and a while Jack has some serious posts that bring me to tears.  Click here for my favorite.  Thanks Jack for the laughter and tears.  Keep on being snarky, dude. 


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Get Mean. Twisted Evil Make a Decision. Exclamation Choose Health! Cool

4 comments:

  1. Haha I love the Do Your Chins Hang Low song. Great guest post, I love your blog too.

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  2. When can I download these on iTunes?!

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  3. LOL! I have no words. Good thing I was not slurping on my tea while reading. Would've caused the computer to short circuit from unexpected contact with hot liquids.

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