Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Public Apology

Over two years ago I wrote a post called "Don't be an elitist."  At the time I wrote it I was just starting out in a new gym with a new gym class and tried to "socialize" to get to know people.

A few of them were friendly.
A few weren't.
Regardless, a person in my class read the post... and immediately knew.
It was about her.
I feel such shame for just this alone.  But it gets worse.

I am honored enough that she took the time to send me a message about the post and profusely apologize as well as to indicate that she was totally supportive of me and my journey.  This message was lost in the "internet web-space of doom" and I didn't read it until a few months ago.  Imagine this, as I went to class with her almost every week and she thought I was mad or angry or hated her.  Whilst I misunderstood her reaction and presumed she thought less of me... simply because of my weight.  What silly assumptions.

My perception and the reality were off.  WAY off.

After I found this message I apologized, and every time I've been to class since with her I think about this weird occurrence   How completely ironic it is that I wrote about being elitist... and there I was, doing exactly that.  I'm in the wrong. This person has a job. A family. Goals. Feelings.  And I had pigeon-holed her as some snob.  And it couldn't be further from the truth.

While this post is my way of apologizing, it's also to say - don't be elitist. As bloggers we get caught up in our emotions, trends, or just plain writing to "get views." And while everyone's entitled to their opinions, make sure you're not hurting others.
Some people have been losing weight for years.
Some people have been losing weight for days.
Some people like to weigh in everyday.
Some people like to "diet."
Some people like Weight Watchers.
Some people like to calorie count.
Some people like to eat low-fat.
Some people like to eat paleo.
No one's right and no one's wrong.  
It's your own personal weight loss journey... tell YOUR story, but take heed - others are on theirs and they need love and support too.

I write this today because yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to workout with her as a pair in our class.  She's bright, cheerful, supportive, and completely down to earth person - not at all what I had made her out to be.  I'm wise enough to know that I make mistakes, I'm humble enough to admit them, and I hope I'm smart enough to know... don't mess with someone who can out lift me ten times over. ;-)

I'm sorry, Bre.  Thank you for being the "bigger" person - you rock.

10 comments:

  1. Wow- that's really big of you to own that & also share your lesson publicly. Glad you got it all sorted out & I hope this inspires others to give some extra grace to others.

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  2. I think this post is written so beautifully and honestly. As a blogger, I know I've written things that maybe I shouldn't have along the way. I've even been called out (and attacked last night on Twitter as a matter of fact) for my opinion. I have a rule about calling out individuals; I just don't do it. But I do share my journey and sometimes people take it as fact and it gets me in trouble... Regardless, this is beautiful and awesome and you rock for writing it!

    Sarah
    www.thinfluenced.com

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    1. Thanks Sarah! It happens, but we need to be honest enough to admit when we're wrong. Glad you liked the post - in was from the heart.

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  3. A great lesson! I was a bit hurt recently when someone wrote something in a blog post that I felt was aimed at me... they commented on those who were struggling to get motivated and lose weight and suggested others were enabling them by being supportive rather than confrontational (my take on it!). I like the person in question who wrote the post (from afar, as we've never met) and do realise that they are a bit authoritarian in their writing... you know... "I know best" type of thing, but still... it hurt. For me though it was a lesson in being more careful about what I write and a reminder that you never know what someone else is going through and shouldn't presume to!

    Great post.

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    1. Thanks Deb! It's tough to not get personal with blogs... we all have feelings. I think though if we're understanding and open-minded, we can do a better job of not hurting others.

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  4. Oh the number of times I have regretted ever letting anybody know I blog. Not because I get a lot of negative feedback but because there is always a great story I can't tell because we would all know who I was talking about.
    I have been called on the carpet as well and deserved it every time. I don't necessarily have all my opinions and concepts fully fleshed out when I write. I figure we are all learning. You learned a lesson and so did I from your post. Now lets see if it sticks or we have to learn it again a few more times.

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    1. Sometimes blogging does put you in a position where you have to explain your actions... but my thought behind that is... I should be able to do that. If I have a strong opinion, feeling, etc. it's my right to be able to discuss. However, when I feel like I'm wrong for it, I also should be self-aware enough to say that too. Thanks for reading, Cindy!

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  5. Found you this morning on MSN! I am a weight loss blog junkie, and love seeing other women, other mothers and wives that work hard to balance every aspect of our lives while making time for ourselves. I have to find this post that you'r referring to, because I know what you mean when you talk of the elitist. I am at the gym every morning around 630 and have made a point to talk to every person that I see regularly in the locker room, as well as newcomers. Being that friendly person in the gym makes newcomers and regulars feel like they have found their 'safe place', and that is exactly what the gym is for me now.

    When you get a minute, take a look at my blog : )

    www.mrshensleyslife.wordpress.com

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  6. tracy.rose@healthline.comMarch 11, 2013 at 11:59 AM

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