Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Live Your Goal

In my lifetime I've done the following: 
  • Sugarbusters
  • Low Fat, Low Calorie
  • Paleo
  • Whole 30
  • Food Intolerance Restriction
  • Ketogenic Diet
...and I'm tired. I'm tired of looking at each of these as a solution. 

In my personal life I use logic, observation, analytic reasoning, and plain common sense to define the world around me and yet, for the past 5 years, I've looked at nutrition plans as a magical solution to my weight loss. 

I became I've become obsessed. 
I had have an unhealthy relationship with food. 

After weeks months of thinking about it (and over 2 years of a weight plateau)... it's come to my attention that I've been restrictive eating for 5 years. 5. long. years. 

I'm a firm believer that people do change, and we go through cycles of being happy, sad, outgoing, introverted, adventurous, boring, etc. etc. The same is true with our health journeys. Each one is different. Each one is unique. And each one is right. 

At this point in my life, I've come the realization that having the weight loss goal and focusing on "reaching the target" was unhealthy. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. 
A friend challenged my goal weight number and asked me the following:
"What will you do when you hit your goal?... How will you live then? .... What will life look like?"After thinking about it... "I wouldn't be doing anything any differently. I'd eat healthy cause it makes me feel good. I'd run in races, cause I love running (it makes me feel like an athlete). And I'd wear cute outfits, clothes, etc."Her response was "Then why don't you just do that."
And so I had an epiphany... a break through. 

I'm tired of pining for the number. of wishing, hoping, climbing on that scale each day and praying to the "weight gods" that something miraculous has happened. 

I'm too strong for that. I'm too smart for that. I love the woman I've become over these past 5 years.  I'll repeat that. 

I love who I am now. I love who I've become. 

Fuck the number.  It doesn't mean shit. 

I am a healthy person and I eat fast food occasionally. 
I am a runner and sleep in some mornings. 
I am a contradiction every freaking day and that's what makes life so friggin beautiful. 

I've been strong enough these past 5 years to hang on and try to will myself into weight loss... and I hope I'm strong enough to know when to allow myself to gracefully let it go. 

Life's too short to count calories everyday. 
Life's too short for the guilt, the shame, and the regret. 
I may not ever be "skinny" but I'll be damned if I'm not happy. 

So from now on I'm living like I'm already at that number. I'm living my goal. 


10 comments:

  1. I wish I had your attitude. I'm definitely NOT loving myself at the moment and some of it is tied to the number on the scale and the tightness in my clothes, but mostly it's because I fucked up and gained 15 pounds back that I tried so hard to lose. Now, at 43 and in a hormonal shitstorm, the pounds aren't coming back off.

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    Replies
    1. Bari - It's taken awhile for me to get here and there's no guarantees that I'll stay in this frame of mind, but I'm okay with that. Absolutism hasn't helped me and I'm coming to realize that ambition can be unhealthy if taken too far.

      Be kind to yourself and remember how amazing you are 15lbs up or 15lbs down. Either way, i don't give a fuck - and love you just the same.

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  2. Test test test...la la laaaa. I wholeheartedly believe in living like you're already at your goal number. I wish I could actually make myself do it, but I do believe in it.

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  3. I see your test!
    I've had a very different weight journey (approaching my '40s, so I weigh more than I used to).

    I take a fairly Zen approach to eating: eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. I'm a slow eater, so my stomach has plenty of time to tell my brain, "hey! I'm full!" I listen to my cravings, and try to eat what I crave (fruit, red meat, more veggies, etc.).

    This may not work for everyone. I lucked out in the Roulette table of genetics, and was born an ectomorph. Plus my mom is something of a health nut, so I learned good eating habits from a very young age. (Hint: if it's in Prevention Magazine, she's probably tried it.)

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  4. Thanks for this -- I have been feeling a bit nutty and fumbling around for The Next Thing To Try (the FastDiet was tempting me with its science-y health promises), but you're right, I need to stop with the kookiness.

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