Friday, March 28, 2014

Quit confusing my weight loss with self-hate.

This is the truth as I perceive it. 

Recently people are getting all in a tizzy when I say "Oh man, I'm bummed cause I haven't lost weight."  

I get advice from everyone telling me to "focus on strength and everything will fall into place" or "you need to just be happy with where you're at" or my favorite one "when you stop focusing on it, it'll happen."  

I hate to say it but. Bullshit. A big steaming pile of bullshit.
For me, weight loss isn't just something that happens. I have to make it happen. 

I fucking love who I am, I don't have body image issues, I'm not an emotional/disordered eater, I just fucking love food and wanna eat more of it. And I love to sit around and watch Netflix all day - sue me! 

I have to make the effort to eat less calories and healthier foods. I have to make the effort to get out and run or do squats. Some days I really want to live healthier, some days I have to talk myself into it. 

And yes, I feel better when I do. I like living healthy. But that doesn't mean I still don't love to sit with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food and watch House of Cards. 

I get tired of people thinking that when I'm sad or disappointed about my weight loss that I "have issues" and need to be saved.  Saved by high-intensity-interval-training, saved by "self-love", saved by diet after diet. 

Some say "it's not about weight loss" but it totally is! It's like the gigantic blue tutu'd gorilla in the room that no one wants to talk about. Since when was wanting to lose weight an unhealthy thing... did I miss the memo? 

And before I get a million comments from the self-lovers telling me "it was unhealthy for me" or for those who truly suffer from eating disorders and unhealthy restrictive diets... I get it. Each of us are on our own journey... and for you that is healthy. Keep on with your bad self. That is not the point of this post. 

Bottom line, my impetus for losing weight is not because I'm unhappy or miserable or disordered. 
It's cause I fucking want to. I want to be the best damn DubyaWife I can possibly be, both inside and out. 

In order to do that I have to work extra hard. I have to put in the miles, count the calories. Those who think I'm disordered and/or need more "self-love?" You don't me me. You really don't. I love who I am, I love my life. And I wanna lose weight. Quit confusing my weight loss with self-hate. It's the exact opposite. 

22 comments:

  1. LOVE IT! I feel the exact same way! I don't hate myself or my body but I WANT to lose weight.

    Alan Ali @Sweating_it_off

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  2. Ha! You say "You don't know me" but I totally do. I am exactly where you are (look behind you ...) It's hard, it's FREAKING hard, but I have to lose weight. 2 hundred thirtysomething pounds isn't a healthy weight for me or any 5-foot-5 human, no matter how delusional they are.

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    1. Is it weird that I actually looked behind me? Creeper.

      :) thanks, Gail.

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  3. Yes. This. I am 100% fine with myself as I am now. That doesn't mean I don't have personal goals to improve myself! Great post!

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  4. YASSS TO ALL OF THIS. I have said a version of this in my blog too. I am the one who wants to lose weight and look a certain way. I always f-ing love what I see in the mirror and my life is amazing and happy and privileged. But I also want to wear a certain pant size not because the magazines I don't even read tell me to but because, dammit, I want to wear the cute shit at Target because it makes ME feel good. And my reality I've defined for myself is that health is about weight AND nutrition AND exercise. It was easy for me drop weight once I started eating healthy and moved more. I still took in a lot of calories but through lean proteins and whole grains and produce so obviously if my body naturally loses weight that way then I'll keep going until it stops shedding pounds and just be with myself in whatever way that ends up being! (after I have this baby of course).

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    1. It's easy when things start to plateau to get downtrodden and I'm dealing with that now, but I think ultimately we're all looking to shed that weight to make ourselves the best outwardly. Inside - we have and we will continue to be BAMFs. Keep on trucking, Mariana!

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  5. **raises an eyebrow**
    I can't help but think this had a weeee little bit to do with what I said this morning.

    Sometimes I forget that people aren't in my head and speak all the short hands that I have come to know and use.

    My point was that weight is just a measurement of gravity on mass. It's one of those really tricky measurements that can go either way. Maybe you were super hydrated. Maybe you still had some poo stuck in your colon. Maybe this or that. I was just trying to remind you that a scale isn't an accurate measurement of your commitment to yourself.

    I wasn't trying to make some grand statement about self love. I know you have that in spades.
    Just wanted to point out that scales don't account for you gaining muscle and losing fat -- but your behaviors, your sweat, your grit, and a tape measure can.

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    1. You were one of the multiple reasons, but not the only. And I hold know ill-will. I know you're trying to help.

      The scale is a tool. Period.

      Yes i can tell when my pants fit tighter, yes I can tell when I'm bloated, and yes I can tell when I'm losing weight. But i can't tell by how much, how often, and whether it's a result of whatever plan I'm currently using.

      It's a device that helps me to keep accountable. Same as the number.

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    2. I think the people who "get it" can take note of the number and own it, no matter whether it's up or down. It doesn't undercut what they know to be true, it just enhances and deepens that knowledge.

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  6. PREACH. So glad to read this today. Now, I am recovering from an eating disorder and have body image issues, but most days I feel amazing. But I still want to lose weight FOR ME. I'm not where I want to be, but I still love who I am and where I am right now.

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    1. <3 you so much Em. You are an amazing person and so real. I'm glad this resonated with you.

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  7. Yes. Yes. Yes. I am in the exact same situation...and wrote about it a tad today. For me it's all nutrition. I can exercise all day, everyday... but I shove too much food in my mouth so the weight loss doesn't come. Thanks for being SO honest!

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    1. I have to have both. Too little nutrition and my metabolism adjusts. Too much nutrition I gain. To little exercise and metabolism slows to a slothlike state. Too much exercise and my body holds on to the fat. I have to eat well and train smart. When I do both the magic loss happens. Plus I look better - even if there isn't any loss.

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  8. I'd venture to say that not liking the way your body looks is not the same as hating your body or hating yourself, a sentiment that I feel is often confused.

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    1. Agreed, Margaret. And perhaps that's where everyone needs to CTFO and make sure they understand intentions before jumping to conclusions.

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