Thursday, June 5, 2014

Why I Didn't Want to Go To Fitbloggin

For the first time since I've been going to Fitbloggin for a few weeks there is was a part of me that doesn't didn't want to go. It's sad but true. Vanity really gets the best of me sometimes and the gain of 15 lbs since my last Fitbloggin and it makes me very self-conscious.

For the past few weeks, there's a feeling of dread, of failure, of self-pity.

I kept telling myself that I needed to get in the right mindset.
That I needed to fix this.
That I need to do something.

It's a shame cause Fitbloggin isn't the place for those emotions. In fact, I've always felt that Fitbloggin was the once place I could be myself, any shape, any size, and every one loved me for it.

And I'm not sure when and where it happened... and I'm not sure how... (perhaps my good friend Emily losing some weight and inspiring me that it's possible) but something snapped me back into the right frame of mind. Determination returned. And a new sense of perseverance.

and one of my favorite quotes came to my mind:
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
D. H. Lawrence
I am a wild thing.

It's time for some tough love and some brutal reality.

There's been too many "cheat" days.
Not enough saying "no."
Too little exercise.
Too much wishing and crying about "weight loss" to happen and not enough doing.

The buck stops here. Fitbloggin is 3 weeks away and that means time to get down to business (to defeat the Huns... heh.)

I won't go into my methods, I won't put down my plan on my blog or elsewhere, if you want to know. Ask.
(I've had too many opinions thrown around of what I should and shouldn't be doing... I'm going to do what works for me. In the fitness and health world there's a lot of "experts.")

In writing this post I discovered that in June 2012 I wrote about this exact same quote. Coincidence, probably. Meaningful, definitely.

From June 2012 post:
Feeling "sorry" for myself isn't something that really even pertains to me.
I'm in control. I have the choices, I make the decisions.

I am "a wild thing." I should start acting like one.
Visualizing my commitment.
Visualizing my motivation.
I am a wild thing.


8 comments:

  1. Action is so much more important than details, something I've come to realize, too. I'm really proud of you and I know you're going to get to where you want to be.

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  2. I'm in the same place, but I decided that Fitbloggin is EXACTLY where I need to be in order to renew my dedication.

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    1. Hello ~ My name is Gayle Sullivan. I live in Denham Springs and I work for a local church in Central. I became aware of your blog through a post on Lose It. I've been on my fitness journey since January 2013. I've had success but I lost my mother this past Thanksgiving day and I've not been able to recover. I'm struggling to get jump started once again. I'm obese and I had lost 80 lbs with the help of my personal trainer...but I have gained much back. The one thing I would like to do is become a runner. I think it would be something I would love and be good at. I've received much encouragement from people during my fitness journey, but it would be nice to glean some information and direction from someone local. I would really like to speak with you in some form. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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    2. Gayle, I copied your message and removed your personal info cause I didn't want it out in public. :)
      I'll be sending you an email soon.

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  4. Kudos for getting back on track, in your own way, as fast as possible. The sooner it's addressed, the better- IMO. I'm 2.25 years maintaining a 70 pound loss. What helped me maintain at the start is not exactly what I do now.

    Onward and have a great time at Fitblogging. Looking forward to following the tweets, etc.

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