Monday, February 16, 2015

Why Grown Ass Women like Erotic Novels

I really had no intention of writing a post like this. But given that Fifty Shades of Grey has achieved a comical commercial success, I felt like there are some divided opinions on the subject.  (I've read the books and seen the movie, my verdict on both - meh.) I've read quite a few erotic novels in my years on this planet and I just don't understand the hate or hush-hush about them. Perhaps it's directed towards one book (The Grey Series) but I felt the need to describe what I think are the reasons that grown ass women read erotic novels...

Eye candy. The men in these books are usually some ideal that doesn't exist or we'll never come across in our lives. I've found the descriptions of them are just vague enough for every woman to put her own twist on it. It's always "he had striking features and dark hair" or "his stature was strong and his smell intoxicating."  See what I mean? I can insert with my own projections to create my own fantasy. It's like astrology... which is a crock of bullshit too. Which is totally an Aquarius thing to say. 

Porn isn't romantic. This isn't rocket science. And I'm not downing porn. But let's be honest, it's not like it talks deeply to a woman's soul. It's a turn on, to be sure, but it misses a key component for women. There's a reason the romantic-comedy market has a niche. They don't even have sex in them sometimes and women flock to these types of movies. Why? Rrrrrrromance! I'm sure this is the part where all the men roll their eyes. And you know what, they're right. It sucks that we always want romance. Women are the worst, amirite? I mean we always want to be swept off our feet, made to feel special, to feel like our significant others are thinking of us and planning amazing things for us. I mean, why would we want that?

It makes us horny. Let's just be honest. That shit is hawt. And it's not just the sex part but the build up to it. We love the delicious tango of guy chasing after girl, or dom and a sub, or being rescued. Amazing mind-blowing sex and infatuation, come on, it gives women the "sighing effect" and the wet panties at the same time. 

We're bored. Not to say that we're bored in our marriages, or bored with life, but usually when I read these I have a half hour to burn before sleeping, or some free time to sit alone and read. Erotic novels are usually short, brainless, and easy to read. It's like a light snack. A light sexy snack. 

Fantasy is fun. Fiction is fun. And reading a story about a rich well built model-esque white guy falling obsessively head over heels for the common girl is totally fun. Any reasonable (and emotionally healthy) woman knows this isn't reality, but that it's fun to be led down the primrose garden for a moment and enjoy the smell. People enjoy all types of fantasy, sci-fi, hobbits, vampires, dystopian futures. So why is having a "young Duke captured while traveling in Transylvania to be raised as a sex slave" any different? Totally read it. 

It beats cheating. Sounds harsh. But it's true. Women's hearts are pockets of secret desires, secret wants, and secrets that they'll never tell. We want romance, but we won't ruin it by asking for it. It's so unfair, but so is life, isn't it. Reality is that any "fling" that we have built up in our head will never be as good as we think it will be. But in the novel our minds are allowed to wander free, we don't have to suffer any guilt, shame, or risk of divorce. We can "fall in love" with the 18th century Scottish highlander and still snuggle up to our farty, unshaven partners and be completely satisfied. 

Now if you Significant Others start to feel a twinge of jealousy, hate, shame, or guilt about your loved one reading erotic novels. First thing - remember that everyday your S.O. chooses you, not someone else. 

Love is a choice. 

But if that doesn't help you, here's what I want you to do - read an erotic novel. Do it. Seriously. 
You know why? Because couples should share the things they enjoy. It's a way to start communication, it's a way to reach out to your partner, it's a way to bond. It can start a talk about romance, love, sex, etc. Plus, it helps you get laid, so quit bitching. 

Side Note: I referenced "women" and "men" in the completely traditional sense in this article and for that I apologize to all my LGBTQ friends. I'm a horrible writer and for the sake of being able to throw this together I stayed with the common, stereotypical relationship. I know you play the pronoun replacing game constantly and here's another article doing the same thing, but rest assured it's not cause I'm trying to isolate you out - it's just that I'm lazy. #EqualityForAll

4 comments:

  1. This was a fun post to read. I used to love romance novels but they started to feel very formulaic after I read about a dozen. I have not read 50SoG -- no one seems to think the books are any good -- and don't plan to watch the movie either. But I did read all the Twilight books and there was definitely something compelling about them, even though I hated myself for getting so wrapped up in them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They do get repetitive... but so does our sex lives, amirite? :D

      Delete
  2. FANTASTIC POST. havent read the book wont see the movie BUT BUT BUT you have me thinking with the LOVE IS A CHOICE.
    it so so is.
    moment to moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carla! The movie is eye-candy, pure and simple. Sexy sexy eye-candy.

      Delete