Monday, May 2, 2016

Wanted: Office Mate


I work a desk job. It's actually pretty fun, and busy and some days I don't mind the gentle hum of the central air as I get whisked away in emails and phone calls. But sometimes I wish I had an work mate, a job partner, a bosom buddy. In short - I need an office girlfriend/boyfriend.

Requirements:
  • Puts up with my incessant talking. In some cases direct interaction, or just general out-loud talking, but knows the difference. 
  • Able to recognize when I'm in a genuine rage or just hungry. 
  • Audibly giggles at my funny social media posts, just so I can know that there's at least one person out there that actually lols. 
  • Commiserates with me on the never-ending ice-age and tropical forest temperature fluctuation in the office. Prepared for both. 
  • Occasionally goes to lunches with me... or at least eats lunches at the desk with me. 
  • Must love coffee and bacon.
  • Works diligently but not so diligently that I feel inadequate. 
  • Side-eye skills. 
  • Quirky personality things like loving avocado but hating guacamole or being terrified of toilets that flush too strongly, etc. 
  • Hygienic but doesn't lysol and purell everything. 
  • Doesn't judge my typing or spelling skills but tactfully corrects. 
  • Introverted attitude but with extroverted tendencies (opposite of me). 
  • Creative; snarky, quick-witted. Comes up with funny jokes, memes, etc. 
  • A pleasant laugh that is infectious and not annoying. 
  • Okay with farts. 
Send applications to dubyawife@gmail.com.

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